Right now I am happier than I have ever been in my life, but it took a lot of screw ups, bad decisions and hard lessons learned far too many times to get here. But hey, you live and you learn, right? When I was 17 I went through a really rough time in my life. I had always been driven academically, which still stuck, but I began taking drugs. It was then that I became pregnant with my first angel. He or she grew wings very early in my pregnancy but I will always blame myself for losing them. This event changed my life, I stopped taking drugs and got my shit together. Hey ladies, we can curse on here, right? Anywho, I got my shit together and left the psychotic loser I was dating. Four years and two protective orders later, he is still a little (or a lot) obsessed.
Shortly after, I graduated with my 2 year degree and was dating my sons father. Shortly after, I became pregnant again. I was due on May 12, 2007 (my 19th birthday). At around 8 weeks, however, I began spotting and cramping horribly. I started running a fever so Dustin and I went to the hospital. I was there for about 3 days. many tests were run and ultrasounds done. Not once did I get to see my little angel or hear their heartbeat. It was decided that I had suffered a molar pregnancy and a few days later (October 3, 2007) I went back in for a D&C. I think I may have gone crazy after that. I was absolutely miserable and crying all the time. Then on my due date (also my 19h birthday) I realized I was a few days late. So, I took a test on my due date, my birthday, and the day before mothers day. That little stick turned into the best birthday present anybody was ever given. I was absolutly terrified that something would go wrong so I went to the obgyn as soon as possible. My HCG levels were a little high and I was gaining faster than I would have liked but I seemed fine. A few weeks later I had an ultrasound to be sure it wasnt a molar pregnancy. The doctor made an odd face and I asked her what was wrong. Her response: "Well I dont see nothin' molar. But I do see twins." Words cant describe what went through my mind, just know that they were happy words. I went home with this, two tiny beans with two tiny heartbeats:
Shortly after I did a google search looking for support from other women expecting twins and happened upon BabyCenter. I fell in love. A month later I went back to make sure again that nothing was wrong. I laid there for a good 45 minutes looking at two identical little alien babies. But only one heartbeat. At roughly 3 months, my third angel grew wings. I left the office sobbing that day, the pain of losing a baby never gets any easier to deal with. I tried to go back to BabyCenter a few times but every time I would be drawn back to the mothers of multiples and my heart would break so I stopped visiting for a while.
About 7 months into my pregnancy, I had the courage to go back. I fell in love again but was mostly a lurker on the January 2009 birth board. Then, on November 3, 2008 I got one of the biggest surprises of my life. Another positive pregnancy test. I high-tailed it over to BabyCenter that morning and posted. My boyfriend at the time had been arrested 10 days before and was going to be gone for a long time. I knew I would need the companionship. I still pretty much stuck to myself and read everybodies posts all day instead of working. There was an exceptional amount of drama and I just didnt have the time pr patience (or cleverness) to get sucked in. But one day I saw a post I liked and joined in. It was the first ever Random Thoughts Thread started by Mirinda. So, for the next few days I participated. I was talking to Mirinda and let her know if she started a group for us all I would be there in a heartbeat. And now here we are!
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